Saturday, October 1, 2016

Abortion

So, a couple of years ago, I came across a thread where  girls and ladies were asking each other about using Stametta to induce abortion. Most of the reasons given were about being unable to raise a child. I commented with my number (0618473640)and talked about adoption as an option.

Thankfully most who kept their pregnancies went on to parent, but two did decide to use the adoption option. One spoke to a social worker after delivery, and one went to a pregnant women's shelter. The rest..went on to abort.

But then someone else also found that thread. Didn't see my comment and posted the same response but used their contact details. Coincidentally, they found me on Facebook after that, on a totally different topic and as we got to know each other, realised we'd commented on the same thread.

In this person's words - they "got freaked out" by the females seeking advice so she spoke to the admin to remove her comment. Admin removed the entire page.

I was gutted. Now the ladies who need support to sustain their pregnancies, to be good mothers would be helpless. Lots of the young women still keep in touch. Ask for medical advice and just need help. One lives with her mother but her mother has no clue about things like oral thrush etc. I loved being able to soothe fears and say when it was time to go to the clinic.

I enjoyed having them know and feel valued. It's no coincidence that the ones in crisis pregnancy are either orphaned or living with one unloving parent. Recipe for falling for the wrong guy. The ways they'd say they'd never found someone as nice as me, as caring as me... I felt useful for once. I felt I was living for more than my family. I felt like I was making a difference.

Sometimes I was helpless. Extreme poverty is awful. Hungry and unable to feed themselves, let alone another child. No job. No helpful relatives...

Then..the two babies. Saved from home abortion attempts. I know survivors who are disabled. I know of girls who have bled terribly, events through their eyes, after trying to abort using Stametta.

Do not do this. You are killing yourselves.

So again, here, in the hopes someone else will search. I offer the chance to put your child in foster care, the chance to stay in a home and be fed and nurtured... The chance of a listening ear as you decide what to do... WhatsApp me on 0618473640. No judgment. Just resources to people who can help you.

Funny Sad

Yes, the posts had dried up anyway... This is just the culmination of something brewing for a while.

I've always mentioned how the lack of 'community vibe' on social media doesn't feel great. I've stopped posting on Facebook and I'm now quitting on here. I realised something.

I dislike having stalkers silent readers.

I have always made sure I commented on people's blogs so they knew what they were saying mattered, touched me, made me laugh/sad/angry or was helpful. But that doesn't happen on social media. Twitter has been nice because I see what gets re-tweeted, loved and respected get responses from people I don't know without living out my entire life like I do here and on Facebook.

Two Sundays ago, someone else who was a friend in real life but has never said a word said they know how we are because they read my thoughts.

I. Don't. Want. That

I actually hate it. They're not the first but it finally irked me enough that I stopped sharing any recent news at all. Why should someone know "how" I am while I know nothing about how they are nor do I even know they're reading?

It feels uncomfortable. Which is not why I began this blog nor continued it.

I was telling a friend earlier on this week that it feels like my posts are a TV series that people just enjoy watching for entertainment. If people really care, they can email or WhatsApp to find out how I am. I don't like being entertainment.

I'll do one more post about something else. And end here. I've deleted all my other posts. Real friends know my contact details. I keep stopping and starting, because writing is my life. I can't imagine not writing. People say they enjoy reading and that it's necessary. But those are my friends, so I can write to them privately.

Thanks for following along. All the best with your special needs child! It's a tough journey. Makes parenting that much more intense and anxiety -filled.  You mentioned that you sometimes stay home because it's easier. Have many blessed Sabbaths at home with your dear children.

Mercy, thanks for always responding so I know you're here too. As you struggle to make sense of life where our race still determines how people view our (lack of) intelligence and decide where we live, I hope you find a path where you come across people who won't assume anything but learn to know you before assuming anything about you.

Flydah,? See you on Messenger ;-)

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

To Wives-Me, in Your Marriage

You won't find me in it. Specifically, you won't find me in your husband's life. Not in this way...

I have too many friends whose men are cheats. But the women they're cheating with have all known they're married.

Today, I'm not going to talk about the men. They're breaking their vows, that's obvious. But I want to focus on the other woman. Or rather, how you can be very sure I'll never be the other woman.

The Bible says we should abstain from even the appearance of evil. And so, I avoid anything that anyone could ever misunderstand or misconstrue.

I'm going to mention real life things that happen that I would not do. These have happened to women within the church, and outside. It's rough out there. Husbands are losers and the other women are devilish. There is no sisterhood.

- I would never communicate with your husband/boyfriend without assuming you will also read our communication. There's a couple we're counseling right now, getting married soon, and the one thing they've already made clear is that she knows how much he earns, and she has full access to his email.

Old-fashioned, but safe. I'd rather be branded boring than ever put a woman through the pain of wondering if I'm the reason her husband is coming home late or has strange bills for two for restaurants she's never been to.

He obviously then has access to her email too, which means she has made a vow to not do anything that would cause harm or break principle.

BUT, I will communicate secretly with him if we're planning a surprise for you. (Getting that out the way.)

- If I communicate with your husband, I would rather do it via a group chat where you are present. Unless you aren't there or think that's lame. In which case, that's YOUR business. At least I'd have offered.

- If for some odd reason, I do communicate with your husband outside of a group format, I will never say/write anything suggestive or fliratious at all. I will not reference the number 69, I will not send pictures of scantily clad people and talk about my body. Come on. That's sick. I respect the sanctity of your marriage and will not by even a thought, put anything suggestive or flirtatious in my communication with him.

- I will rather ask you to ask him something unless you've made it clear you'd rather I dealt with him directly. Yes, I will ask for permission to speak to your man. And you will know what we are talking about.

- I will make sure there are no other women who can discuss the issue with me before I go to your man. Your man will be my last resort. There are too many 'friendships' that began with 'harmless counseling' and ended up in bed. I've seen the fall out. I've seen churches broken apart by an elder who did that. I will seek a woman first. Every time.

- I will be friends more with you than with your husband. There are only three people that doesn't work for.
A Facebook friend who we definitely aren't suggestive with and always talks about his wife and we only discuss race issues.
A brother whose foreign African wife isn't comfortable with English and prefers me to talk to her husband. (They're foreign so we don't know each others' African languages.)
And a woman who absolutely hates me though I've never done anything to her. That one has to do with living up to my principles and her hating them. Church politics. I can't be fake and pretend not to know you hate me. So, I just hide.

- I will tell my husband when I communicate with your husband, so he knows about it too. I tell him even silly things in Facebook comments. Things that are even said publicly. That way, both our men know I'm trustworthy.

- I will never be alone with your husband. Or be with him where you are not present. I will not have dinner with him. Nor lunch. Nor breakfast. That is not necessary at all. Never.

I reiterate. I respect the sanctity of your marriage. Ellen White says there's a circle around every couple that should be preserved. I promise with all my heart to never, ever break that circle. I'm on your side. Always.

I've seen the heartache. I am living it with my sisters, some whose husbands have left. I could never do that to someone else. There's no such thing as innocent flirtation. Not where marriage is concerned. I refuse to hurt you. I refuse to make the angels blush. Not me.