My culture-in a nutshell

The outfit I was wearing here (2 years ago or so) was fmade from material rom my mom’s ‘tribe’- Xhosa. You can get red, green, orange, yellow..but the black trimming is basically obligatory. A married woman would have never walked around with her breasts exposed, whereas ‘maidens’ did.

When I say ‘my’ I mean the one I was born into, not the one I married into. My husband’s family is from a different culture…Though they are South Africa, they migrated to Zimbabwe decades ago and adopted that culture. These are based on experiences and observation. Some of them have been replaced by Western ideals and traditions. I won’t differentiate between my dad’s and my mom’s culture/tradition because some things are the same, and others we didn’t do because we were/are Christian. So.how many practices are similar to those from the West?

1) A child NEVER refers to an adult by their name. You say ‘mama’ or ‘tata’ or ‘bhuti’ or ‘sisi’ followed by their surname if you used mama or tata. If the person has a child, you’d call them by their child’s name ie. Naka Bukhosi. *Bukhosi’s mom) They had a similar practise in the East African coutnries of Kenya and Tanzania.

2) A child will never sit while an adult (or a youth versus an elderly person) is left standing. Be it in a bus or in church.

3) The young one greets the elderly person first.

4)Mixed genders don’t hug or hold hands.

5) Married people must be friends with other married folk, not with singletons.

6) The wife-when visiting in laws-must cover her head to show respect. And no wearing trousers.

7) Once puberty has been reached, the next big thing for a male is initiation (into manhood) This includes circumcision. And it’s not some ‘civilised’ circumcision in a hospital. This is done with a ‘traditional’ weapon..or a knife that’s been used on other boys. The sign of manhood is not flinching when it is done. And oh boy, the things that get done to that manhood are not fit for a family blog-a friend of mine told me what happens and I’m amazed there aren’t MORE deaths and lost genitalia than there already are. Or maybe it was something that only occurred in his province?

There are Christian boys who refuse to do this whole initiation thing but they get forced into it quite a lot. Only after a boy has ‘become a man’ is he allowed to get married, own a house in the rural areas etc. There’s a man I know who’s in prison and doesn’t want to get out (been there for over 10 years) because when he went in he was ‘still a boy’ and he doesn’t want the other men to make fun of him for still being ‘inkwenkwe’ (a boy) at his old age.

8) Women are ‘haggled’ over (LOL) for marriage. The more educated a woman is, the more she ‘costs.’ Same with if she has ‘potential…’

9) There’s a big wedding shower called ‘amabhaso’ where the neighbourhood and church members attend. The bride wears traditional clothing and folk bring gifts-invariably a lot of glassware!

10) When you get married, your husband’s sisters give you a new name. Usually a quality that is desirable. My mother’s ‘given’ name was Mmathabo (mother of joy) and her first born son would have been called Thabo. Sadly after me, she miscarried a boy and my sister ended up being called Thabisa-one who brings joy.

11) Wedings include a lot of food and a real African wedding has no guest list. It’s known that you’ll provide as much food as you' can afford and that the whole street will be there too. Weddings are elaborate, a lot of dancing and ‘marching’ by the bridal party. After the white gown, couples change to traditional attire for the reception.

Songs such as “Satan is sad, God is happy XYZ is married, let’s be happy’ or ‘The bride is ours, she’ll wash and cook for us’ etc are sung.

12) When someone comes to your house, you always offer them something, even if it’s a glass of water.

13) Female traditional attire invariable includes some kind of head wrap.

There are so many more but I’m sleepy