Oh boy.It’s been bad. very bad.
And today was worse.
Been having bouts of IBS-induced insomnia but today was the worst. Have been up since 2am. At first it was just insomnia so I ended up getting up and studying.
Then at around 4ish,the pain came. Excruciating, make me gasp and cry pain. Then nausea followed. The type that also makes you cry.
So..
I’ve done a lot of crying today and it’s 10:51am.
I’m about to try ginger to see if that will help with the nausea. The pain has subsided, it’s a dull ache but I’m scared. I tried to eat a potato chip at about 8am and the pain was intense. I’m hungry but the fear of what could happen inside is not exactly making me eager.
There are times I feel guilty for asking God to take it away. I’ve been praying for over 11 years, I should be used to it by now.NOT. But then..Jesus never sinned yet He asked for the cup of suffering to be removed from Him. Ok,my agony (weakness, pain zinging through my body and limbs too) is not even half as bad as His was, but you get where I’m going.
His loving Father never faulted Him for shrinking from the torture. And more importantly, the Son didn’t complain when the clear answer was “No.” Instead He accepted His Father’s will.
I accept it. I accept that I cannot eat what I cook for my family.
I accept that I cannot eat a slice of bread.
I accept that pain will be with me till He comes.
And I accept that no matter what, He is still the same loving God.
I am grateful that He has given me a loving, caring husband who’s on leave at the moment. I’d big plans of cooking for them but only made the savoury rice before I died this broke loose.
I will be ok. Now, tomorrow, in two years’ time.
Until then
Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine. Amen.
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