Misery Loves Company

 

(I’m only human. I acknowledge that these sentiments might not be ‘Christian.’ And I’m working on getting over fatigue and strain. But I need to be honest. People tend to think I’m some superwoman person who is always bubbling over with happiness and enthusiasm. I’m not.)

Remember my burn out post a while ago? I feel selfish and bad for wishing for time on my own, or at least, only with adults. And I don’t mean the hours I spend during church board meetings. Just 24 hours a week month with no whiny voices arguing with each other, no interruptions, no asking when lunch/supper is going to be, no “Please can we do school” no interruptions (Oh, did I mention that already?)No-one asking me why I’m going to my room, where I’m going, no-one tracking mud and grass on my newly cleaned floor….

But this time it’s a different ‘whine.’ It’s about teaching.

I teach my children. Not only formal, school book stuff. But discipline, answering questions the whole day..

Then come Sabbaths. And I do the same every morning with my kids and the other kids at church. Then once a month I do it in the afternoons too. But it goes further than that because during the week I need to come up with plans for the morning and the afternoon sessions. And this excludes lessons for the women at church etc. If it’s not lesson preparation, it’s giving lessons.

So…When a friend –a teacher during the week-mentioned that teaching on Sabbaths doesn’t make the Sabbath really ‘pleasant’ because it “FEELS LIKE WORK,” I was happy. Misery loves company. I felt validated because for many years-excluding our time in Tanzania-that’s what it feels like-ON MY DOWN DAYS. WHICH THANKFULLY, ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. When I’m particularly tired or sad, I feel like it’s an endless round of teaching and I feel like I need a break.

I looked around for someone suitable to teach the children in the afternoon so at least my job would only be in the mornings, but the person said they didn’t want to miss any of the adult studies that happen because they enjoy them…And I do want to miss them???? I love children, but man, as a stay at home mom, I miss interacting with adults.

That’s the rub. I don’t hate being a stay-at-home mom. I don’t hate interacting with the children. I just wish it was balanced a bit more with the chance to grow and learn from other adults and with less ‘teaching.’

I can’t change,nor do I want to change,  my home life. mine nor others’. I can’t change my situation at church. I took on the job for two years, and by jove, I will stick to it. What I can do is change my attitude and pray for strength as we enter “yet another year of teaching children.”  The beauty is that I love the children, and they love me. It will work.

So there you see…Another reason why I’m imperfect. I get tired. Frustrated. I am not like the other ladies who are constantly content and joyful. I will get there though