Wednesday, September 28, 2016

To Wives-Me, in Your Marriage

You won't find me in it. Specifically, you won't find me in your husband's life. Not in this way...

I have too many friends whose men are cheats. But the women they're cheating with have all known they're married.

Today, I'm not going to talk about the men. They're breaking their vows, that's obvious. But I want to focus on the other woman. Or rather, how you can be very sure I'll never be the other woman.

The Bible says we should abstain from even the appearance of evil. And so, I avoid anything that anyone could ever misunderstand or misconstrue.

I'm going to mention real life things that happen that I would not do. These have happened to women within the church, and outside. It's rough out there. Husbands are losers and the other women are devilish. There is no sisterhood.

- I would never communicate with your husband/boyfriend without assuming you will also read our communication. There's a couple we're counseling right now, getting married soon, and the one thing they've already made clear is that she knows how much he earns, and she has full access to his email.

Old-fashioned, but safe. I'd rather be branded boring than ever put a woman through the pain of wondering if I'm the reason her husband is coming home late or has strange bills for two for restaurants she's never been to.

He obviously then has access to her email too, which means she has made a vow to not do anything that would cause harm or break principle.

BUT, I will communicate secretly with him if we're planning a surprise for you. (Getting that out the way.)

- If I communicate with your husband, I would rather do it via a group chat where you are present. Unless you aren't there or think that's lame. In which case, that's YOUR business. At least I'd have offered.

- If for some odd reason, I do communicate with your husband outside of a group format, I will never say/write anything suggestive or fliratious at all. I will not reference the number 69, I will not send pictures of scantily clad people and talk about my body. Come on. That's sick. I respect the sanctity of your marriage and will not by even a thought, put anything suggestive or flirtatious in my communication with him.

- I will rather ask you to ask him something unless you've made it clear you'd rather I dealt with him directly. Yes, I will ask for permission to speak to your man. And you will know what we are talking about.

- I will make sure there are no other women who can discuss the issue with me before I go to your man. Your man will be my last resort. There are too many 'friendships' that began with 'harmless counseling' and ended up in bed. I've seen the fall out. I've seen churches broken apart by an elder who did that. I will seek a woman first. Every time.

- I will be friends more with you than with your husband. There are only three people that doesn't work for.
A Facebook friend who we definitely aren't suggestive with and always talks about his wife and we only discuss race issues.
A brother whose foreign African wife isn't comfortable with English and prefers me to talk to her husband. (They're foreign so we don't know each others' African languages.)
And a woman who absolutely hates me though I've never done anything to her. That one has to do with living up to my principles and her hating them. Church politics. I can't be fake and pretend not to know you hate me. So, I just hide.

- I will tell my husband when I communicate with your husband, so he knows about it too. I tell him even silly things in Facebook comments. Things that are even said publicly. That way, both our men know I'm trustworthy.

- I will never be alone with your husband. Or be with him where you are not present. I will not have dinner with him. Nor lunch. Nor breakfast. That is not necessary at all. Never.

I reiterate. I respect the sanctity of your marriage. Ellen White says there's a circle around every couple that should be preserved. I promise with all my heart to never, ever break that circle. I'm on your side. Always.

I've seen the heartache. I am living it with my sisters, some whose husbands have left. I could never do that to someone else. There's no such thing as innocent flirtation. Not where marriage is concerned. I refuse to hurt you. I refuse to make the angels blush. Not me.