Wednesday, August 2, 2017

My Logic and The Men Who Might Deserve Second Chances

Ok. I'm Christian, God works miracles, He forgives, and on and on.

But He's the same God Who said adulterers should be killed and gave infidelity as a good enough reason for divorce.

Obviously, it's a BIG DEAL. Bigger than other lies, bigger than not cooking well. Bigger than being untidy. It's a deal-breaker.

And as I've said, my philosophy is, "If he's not happy being true to me, then he's free to go off and make a new life with his side ho. I don't have time to beg someone to give me what they voluntarily promised to give me."

But. There are the men. The ones who claim it was a mistake. (Mistake. For me, a mistake is taking your pen and leaving mine behind by mistake because they look similar.)
There are the men who claim they are sorry and will never do it again because they love you.( I have a letter I want to write for them in case any of them ever venture here for some odd reason. This concept of theirs of 'loving' the wives they've betrayed... Hmmm)
There are men who plead, "I don't love her, I only love you. I come to you at night, not her. She was just a distraction." (You should have been with me during the day too, dude. And every moment you were with her, was a moment you took from building 'us')
The men who claim,"I won't do it again, please don't leave me."

Ugh.
Whatever.

But I did say God forgives, right?

If I sound cynical it's because the damage caused by unfaithfulness will never be erased by any words. The only words that would take the pain away would be, "Look, see? It wasn't me, it was my twin brother. Here's where I was..." Or, "Look, I didn't type that, it was Bruce. Hes so sorry for messing our life up like he has.He wants to talk to you."

Here's my thing. I don't know about forgiving adultery and what that looks like practically, but I do know that you can't forget. And I know that logically, there are things that would make it easier to stay.

If he, of his own will comes and says, "I need help. I was tempted to stray but remembered why I love you and I need you to hold me accountable and pray me on the strait and narrow," there is great hope for that man. From a logical viewpoint. My logical viewpoint. Which is not worth much!

If he sends that one text/email and then writes another one to the woman saying, "Yo, what's wrong with me? Ignore that and pretend I never sent it. I respect my marriage enough not to go down this path. Sorry for tempting you to go against what is right," then, there's hope for him too.

If he sleeps with her (Yuck) and then afterwards says, "This was all a terrible mistake. I am so sorry. How could we do this?"  then there's hope. Kinda. I can't imagine myself getting that far without thinking about my vows and the unseen angels but it happens so I will just say...yuck-and leave it there.

But the men I struggle with believing are the ones who sent multiple emails and messages and had multiple trysts and shared embraces/ intercourse with that woman over months. Months. Do you know how many hours there are in months? How many times he could have come to his senses and gone back to where he came from? Worse yet the ones who did it over years. HOW???

I struggle to believe the ones who claim they are sorry AFTER BEING FOUND OUT... Then go right back like a dog going to its vomit.(Do dogs really do that? It sounds gross.) And then get found out again and then claim this time they are REALLY sorry.

I don't believe them.

They lied by starting in the first place.
Then lied and said they'd stop.
Then lied and continued.

At this stage honestly, I can only see my sisters doing it because they want the children to have stability.

These last groups? Hard to believe they 'deserve' extra chances. They didn't confess, they were exposed. They didn't do it then conscience stopped them, they continued till they were found out or the woman stopped it or her husband found out. My logical mind doesn't give hope that when the opportunity presents itself again, he won't go right back yet again.

That's where I feel like I'm either a bad Christian, or just logical.

If he lies multiple times, why believe him?

If you choose to stay, then just know you're married to a liar and expect no truth. And no fidelity.

But maybe they really are sorry and really won't do it again.

Doesn't erase the fact that they shouldn't have in the first place.

And when they get that second chance, it won't erase the pain the wife will feel for the rest of her life.


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