Thursday, August 3, 2017

Sobering Response

Around 12 years ago, I asked a friend to help me with some things. She palmed me off onto her husband. We became close. Way too close. And when I realised that this was not what should be, I had a thought, "Why is she so comfortable with all of us hanging around her husband so much? I would never send my friends to spend as much time with my husband as I have with hers. What is going on?"

So, I asked her. "Aren't you nervous about letting us spend so much time with your husband?"

Her (paraphrased) response was, "Having spent so much time counseling faithful, middle-aged, devoted wives who come to my clinic suddenly sick with fullblown AIDS, I no longer believe men can be faithful. All men will cheat. At least if my husband cheats if it's with a friend she will feel guilty, and at least I know none of my friends are HIV positive, so at least I won't catch it."

Man. Oh, man, oh man.

And as I keep asking my friends, "Have you been tested since you found out? Is he clean? Are you clean?" I think back to the conversation with my friend.

I don't know what to think any more. When I started these posts, I mentioned that for a while now, attending weddings wasn't a joyous affair because I saw the sad side a few years down the line when couples would snap and bicker and make their children miserable. I found it hard to be super elated without hoping they'd buck the trend and live happier lives.  And it was before I realised how prevalent infidelity is. Now all the 'magic' is gone. He can act like the most devoted of men, meanwhile he's whispering sweet nothings in someone else's ear.

And as I 'know' that some friends have probably been cheated on but never found out...

It makes me sad. So very sad. How do we naively rejoice without hoping there will be no broken hearts a year or a decade later?

This is not what God wanted for his daughters. 

This is not it. 

Oh, I also want to acknowledge something quickly. Men also get betrayed. I have only one male friend who this has happened to, but I'm sure it happens more than we think. And considering some of the women who have been involved in helping men break their vows are married... Obviously married women are also unfaithful, and I do sympathise with the broken-hearted men. I do. I actually wish I could talk more with my friend about how he's doing right now but he's not in the Western Cape.
I just can't write on behalf of men because they're from Mars and we are from Venus.But I acknowledge the pain and heartache. 

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