Friday, August 4, 2017

To The Man Who's Sorry- Why 'I Love You' Is Not Good Enough

Matt 7 16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

You read their confessions, "I love my wife, I regret hurting her." Or the men say it to their wives, "I'm sorry. I love you, I don't want her."

And when you choose to stay, they become impatient, "But I told you I love you, can't you accept that I'm sorry? Why do you keep bringing it up? Haven't we had ten (or 5 or 16) good years of marriage?"

Dear Cheating Men Who Say They Want to Stay Married,

You say you are sorry, you say it was a bad mistake, you say she didn't mean anything to you. You say you love us and it's time to move forward and stop focusing on what you did. You say that you never stopped loving us.

Here is why your version of love does not fill us with any sense of security or trust.

You never said you had stopped loving us when you did what you did. All the times you were with that other woman, all the times you were thinking of her, we assumed you were thinking of 'us.' We thought love was "Man, I wish my beloved was here, I miss her so much" and not, "Oh, Other Woman, you have a mesmerising impact on everyone you meet."

That's now how godly, marital love works.

Not the kind of love you promised us. Not the kind of love we have for you and expect from you.

See, here's the thing. When we say, "I love you," it means more. It means, "I love you, only you and my desire is to please you-and you alone. You are the only one I want to bring joy to."

When you say I love you, when you said it while in that inappropriate relationship, you meant, "I love you but I also want to please the Other Woman and give her joy beyond what she should get from me."

When we say, "I love you," we mean, "I wish I could spend my every moment with you, escape from the mad rush of the world and just breathe in your essence."
When you said you loved us, you meant, "But I can't wait to rush off to work/that flight so I can meet Other Woman."

When we say, "I love you," we mean, "And the only place I want to be is in your strong embrace while you hold me tight, "
On the other hand, your "I love you" was missing out the, "But I really, really can't wait to go give Other Woman a long hug."

When we say, "I love you," we mean, "When will we save money and go out for a date night?"
You mean, "I enjoy coming home to you but I want to spend money on Other Woman tonight."

When we say, "I love you," we mean, "No other man will ever take your place in my heart, thoughts and affections. The love we shared at our wedding day, when it was just you, me and God, is the love we have today. No third parties."
You, on the other hand, had no qualms loving us, and loving the company of the third party you'd promised would never exist.

Your love, when you spoke it all those years or months or days of being untrue, is not the quality of love you should have had. It is cheap love. Useless love. A love that is not principled, firm, holy, pure and true.

And if you could look us in the eye while deeply involved with Other Woman, and tell us you love us while deceiving us on the cheap love you were referring to, why should we believe you today?

We can't.

Your "I love you" is not enough any more. You proved you don't know the kind of love we deserve and do not know how to give it.

What has suddenly changed today that would make us believe your words?

So there is the dilemma. We need to know you love us, otherwise begging us not to go is futile-who wants to stay in a loveless marriage? So you need to say you love us. But at the same time, your 'love' hurts, because it wasn't real. Love does not lie. Does not deceive. Marital love does not keep secrets. It does not seek the embrace of a stranger. It does not delight in another's bosom.

You have a mountain to climb. A mountain of your own causing. You have to go above and beyond just to prove that you mean it. That your "I love you" encompasses all the things ours encompasses. You need to say it, show it, prove it. Arrive at home on time. Be open with your social media accounts. If she works with you, find another job. Don't just tell us you love us, tell us why you love us, what you love about us, tell us you love only us and want only our embrace, affection, thoughts and no-one else's. Because chances are, when you don't add those words, in the silence of those unspoken phrases we're adding ours. "Yeah, you love me but you don't know how to be faithful to me. Useless, empty words." You need to fill the silence with showing us the depth of that love, and the remorse you claim to feel.

Truth is, your words are meaningless, your promises of faithful love are vain. You spoke before witnesses and broke it secretly. Actions speak louder than words.

Time to start climbing that mountain you built and showing us your fruits. Then we shall know you and the love of which you speak.

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