Thursday, August 10, 2017

Why They (We) Struggle to Divorce Their (Our) Cheating Husbands

And so Eve was told, "Thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee."

Love.

That pesky four-letter word. Love.

You can't turn it off when you need to, even when he isolates you from your friends and beats you because he says you're cheating on him when all along he's the one with the girls' numbers in his pockets.

Love.

You cannot let go of it even when you hate him for breaking your heart, your marriage, your trust, and your belief in true, happily ever after..love.

So, they stay. I should make it 'we.' I am part of the sisterhood and I value the sisterhood, which is why I can imagine myself maybe one day breaking down and having a chicken burger (I've been off meat for 17 years!) but I cannot ever imagine myself telling any woman's husband that "I've been thinking about you all weekend." Unless I mean him and his wife and whatever trial they're going through! I can't. There's a code you don't break-being the cause of another woman's pain. So, I'll say "we" when I mean the sisters whose hearts have been shattered.

We cannot do it. We find it very hard to just go off into the sunset and pretend they never existed. Now, considering the only person who doesn't have a child is the one who's not married, it's even harder for 'us' to pretend the men don't exist. There's that little thing called co-parenting that we would still need to do. We cannot move on and forget about them. There's the heartbreak we can't forget. The betrayal we can't understand and hope never to, for that would mean we'd done the same.

So, we limp along, in disbelief that this could ever happen to us. We hope it's just a bad dream that we'll wake up from. Then we hope the other woman will apologise and say she knows our husbands really love us and she was just a diversion. But... We don't know. But we can't leave. Because we still love them and want to believe that they really do love us, only us, and that the other floozy was just a floozy and not some new love. Limping along, we say "I love you" but even when we say it, we are thinking, "And I hate what you did. Do you actually love me or are you waiting for the golden opportunity to leave me?"

I remember someone telling me, "No, I'm not leaving. But if he brings a second wife to our home, I'm taking our child and giving the two of them space." Ahh, the joys of living in two worlds- a Christian man who looks like he wants to become an African polygamist. That's the pain of love. You'd rather have crumbs than have nothing at all.

Love hurts. And brings you false hope and paralysis.
And that is why some women (some of us) struggle to divorce their (our) cheating husbands.


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