Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Staying "for the children?"

I heard from my male friend whose spouse has hurt him. And one thing that stood out to me was that HE was willing to endure, stay.."for the children."

I know a person whose husband divorced her after he cheated, and she is categorical that betrayed wives should stay.."for the children."

Every now and then, I see people stating that staying for the children is taking the easy way out. Firstly, I don't believe that. Once your beloved has betrayed you, none of the choices that you can make are easy. None of them make life 'happier.' Not immediately. You'll still feel the same pain, loneliness at the end of the day when you no longer have that person to talk to. But staying...

Staying is not easy and I will never tell anyone that it's just a lame decision.

 It's the ultimate sacrifice.

I've seen what my friends' young children have gone through when their father has abandoned them for another woman. Or when their mothers have had to leave their fathers. And it is painful. It is hard. It is traumatic. Those children are hurting.

It is not the easy way to try and prevent your own children from hurting like that. It's not easy because you give up being true to yourself, in order to help your children go through life a little less wounded. It means choosing to keep your pain secret so your children do not see how badly damaged you are. It means smiling when you want to cry. It means treating with respect someone who forgot what respect means. It means wearing a mask when you just want to be free and unencumbered. It means letting self die so your children can 'live.'

I don't know if I would ever tell anyone to stay for the children. I do know that I respect those who do and wish them only the best;.

I just wish people remained faithful so such difficult decisions didn't ever need to be made in the first place.

Adultery is cruel to the faithful spouse and cruel to any children they might have. And if you choose to live a more genuine life as a single parent rather than a silently crying betrayed wife, you are not selfish. Your children need you. A happy, fulfilled you. And being true to yourself is the best way to train them to be true to themselves too. Darkness and light cannot exist together. Sometimes the best is for you to leave the darkness and step into the light, even if that light means holding your children tight while they cry, upset that their dad had to drop them back at home with you instead of him tucking them in at night and sharing your bed. Those tears are not your fault. You are not the one who forgot her commitment to your family. Those tears are his fault. I'm just sorry you are the one who has to deal with them.

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