Thursday, September 7, 2017

Thankful Thursday: The Circle of (My) Life?

It's crazy. I just had a realisation this morning.

First, the background.

I knew from age 10 that I was going to be a wife. In my teen years, my career choice was built around me being a wife and more importantly, a mother. I wanted to do Medicine, but I didn't want to be a GP, I wanted to specialise. And my specialisation would have been in Obstetrics. But I knew that I did not want to study for all those years because that would impact when I'd get married, and also having a job in that field would impact my ability to be a present mother. Those sitcoms I used to watch convinced me that Gynaes always had to leave their families at the dinner table to go deliver a baby.

I also knew that I would adopt. At first, my 10 year old self pictured a mother leaving her baby in a basket at my doorstep with a letter asking me to take care of the baby. As I grew older and adoption became fuzzier, I figured that I would adopt an orphaned child-parents deceased.

Fast forward some years and I find a man who wants to marry me. (I was 18 at the time we met and he knew the very day we met that I was his future wife.) At age 22, I get married. And before that, the agreement was made. One biological, one adopted. I wanted a house FULL but hey, as a woman you are taught to submit, right? So, that was the agreement.

Except,the biology of my own body was letting me down. Big time. And this brings us to this morning.

I remember having stopped watching birth stories after having given up on ever having a biological child. I was now watching adoption stories-which was pretty useless as this was in England and adoption there is very different to here. We lived in a town in the county of Essex, and one night, the news guy stated that Essex was the unplanned and teen pregnancy capital of the UK. I remember getting so upset, "So what's wrong with me then? How come their bodies are working well yet some will go on to abort, to give their children up for adoption, to abuse them, yet mine is defective? Why am I not good enough to conceive but they are? What kind of joke is this that God allows THEM to fall pregnant when they don't even want to but I, with all my marriage and planning and dreaming, get nothing? How is this fair that there are all these unplanned pregnancies???"

This morning I realised that I did get my biological children.

And I also got the fruits of those "unplanned pregnancies." And with the ups and downs that involves, it's also full of blessings.

No more anger now. No more tears. I just wish all abandoned children could be kept safe and find families.

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